(Here's a funny list I gathered in the style of "You might be a redneck if..."
)
You Might Be a Kinkster if...:
…You are intentionally vague when co-workers ask what you did on the weekend.
…You have a dirty smile on your face when you complain about being sore.
…Your toy drawer has overflowed and you have to keep the rest of your "gear" somewhere else.
…You spend more time on kinky websites than Facebook.
…You hold your phone when showing off pictures so that no one can swipe left or right and see anything either than the one photo you want to show them.
…You can't walk through a hardware or dollar store without a grin on your face from thinking of new pervertables you see.
…You look at strangers and imagine scenes with them.
...The local tack store has started to hide their crops when they see you walk through the door.
...The local hardware store sends you a Christmas card every year.
...You have locked cabinets so that the neighbors will not see your 'toys'.
...You can't let anyone see your charge card bill because most of it is from Dungeon Depot.
…You have to keep the bedroom door closed so visitors won't see the giant dog cage or other kinky things that are in there..
…You overhear a mother threatening to spank her child and you have to look away really fast. (Mmm…spankings)
…More often than not, at parties, you find yourself adorned with battery operated accoutrements or other unusual things.
…You look at your bruises and remember exactly how ya got 'em.
…You’re on an NSA watch list because of your Amazon wish list.
…You have to stop and remember who your talking to before you say "Dom depot" instead of Home Depot.
..When someone finds your toy chest and asks what’s in it, and you reply with a simple "mementos".
...You have more sexy lingerie than the next girl. (and you're not even a girl).
…You have to re-read things because you see the wrong word. I live in Horry county not Horney county, etc...
...When you eat, sometimes it is out of a dog dish.
...The mailman brings more than one package a week in a brown paper wrapper.
...When everyone else is saying they should have bought stock in Microsoft, you're wishing you'd bought stock in Master locks.
...You have to ask permission to ask permission.
... You buy the red-colored version of plastic wrap in the food supply section because you are never going to use it for food anyway. And you buy the XXL version of the wrap, to not leave one bit of skin uncovered.
...You have more fetish clothing than everyday 'normal' clothing
...You have more than one gas mask and have never been in the military.
…People ask you what you got for your birthday and you think of your spanking or kinky presents.
...When you visit a doctor you have to tell him that the bruises and marks are not from spousal abuse.
…You size up people at work (or basically everyone you meet......sometines even your pets) and decide if each one is Dom, sub, a little, foot fetishy, cross dressy, switchy..and so on.
... You sit at work with a smile because your backpack next to your desk is full of kinky things for the weekend ahead.
..You are seriously deep in lies about participating in martial arts with your coworkers because it is your cover for any bruises and funny walks.
...You can't make it through a metal detector in the airport becuase of all your piercings.
…You would rather wear bruises than jewelry.
…You’re too far gone that it’s hard to ever think of being boring vanilla again.
…You say "Community" and people think you are talking about the neighborhood.
…Being called a slut or whore is a compliment to you, not an insult
…You pick up kitchen items in a shop and slap your hand or forearm with them "to get a feel'".
…You have to be careful that some things under your clothes aren’t showing.
…You giggle when someone mentions the "DM" is coming to your store. lol District Manager, not Dungeon Monitor.
…Some Amazon.com warehouse worker has been traumatized by an order you placed.
...When you go to the movies, your Owner sits in the aisle seat while you sit 'in' the aisle on your knees.
...You have not sat on top of a piece of furniture in years.
...You get a bit excited when clicking a "Submit" button online.
...The family dog runs free because you are wearing his leash.
…You look at Dog Collars lovingly in the pet store
(Even better: you actually try on dog collars in the pet store, after looking around to make sure no one's watching.)
…You can be in pretty much any vanilla situation and find something kinky about it.
